Rachel Friedmann

I first heard of the no asshole policy during an interview – “we don’t hire and we don’t have clients, who are assholes.” I loved the idea so when I heard there was book, I had to pick it up from the library. In Robert I. Sutton’s book, The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t, he has a few gems advice thrown in amidst  a plethora of scientific research.

Although, the book intends to facilitate navigating a difficult work environment, his advice can also be used in social media. He quotes Univ. of Michigan’s Karl Weick “Fight as if you are right, listen as if you are wrong.” At Intel they use this model for having constructive arguments in order to help facilitate a better working environment and to lose less time over small emotional arguments. I agree that this is great advice for not only the workplace, but in our everyday interactions.

Of course, I always think about how advice like this can be related back to the wonderful world of the web. Many companies set up Twitter and other social networking accounts to help subdue upset clients, respond to customer inquires, and/or found out how to offer better services or products. I think that anyone who is handling social media should also consider Karl Weick’s advice. One of things many forget to do while online is to really listen to their customers, not just react. Listen as though you are wrong; in the eyes of an upset customer you are.

In this telecommuting world, many meetings are being conducted using information technologies. Sutton’s book references a study by Stanford’s Pamela Hinds and Diane Bailey showing that conflict can be higher and trust lower when information technologies are used rather than face-to-face meetings.  Emails and phone calls provide little information in the form of facial and body language cues and verbal intonations. Without in-person interactions, it is easier for people to create overtly negative opinions of one another. I have longed believed that not meeting in person can lead to more miscommunication. How often have you or a co-worker misread in an email and then had to deal with the consequences? See my blog post: Miscommunication via Email

And one last gem, not related to the internet. A good way to assess an organization or detect whether a co-worker is an “asshole” is to listen for the word we instead of I or me in meetings and conversations.

I recently retweeted Zen Habits tweet “If you dislike or are angry at a person, you don’t understand him.”

So why I am writing this post? I keep wondering why there is so much conflict between people who interact and communicate on a regular basis – friends, coworkers, family, etc. More than a few of my friends have been dealing with angry or controlling bosses and are at a loss as to what to do. One of these friends visited from out of town this past weekend. Maybe if we all try to put ourselves in each others shoes literally, we may find that there our issues outside our control that are at play and need to be considered. Unfortunately, this is much easier said than done.

As I keep pondering this idea, here is an additional thought from Mario Batali, who was featured on The Daily Show last week.

“Generally cooks that yell at other cooks, or chefs that yell at their cooks, are expressing their own self-loathing for not having prepared their staff to do the job they knew was coming at them.”

Or maybe the yelling is just self-loathing…